Love and MarriageSaturday, December 06, 2008
3 weeks from now my best friend will be married to his long-time boyfriend. That’s why she constantly asked me about marriage and how it feels to be married. Well, I’m not an expert in this topic but here are some of the things I learned when I married my husband 3 years ago.
Marriage is a union. It brings two different people to live together. The I and You becomes WE.
Marriage certificate is just a piece of paper and it is a contract. That is absolutely true but what makes the marriage certificate different from other paper is, that you sign it thinking that this contract has no termination date.That you promise the other signee that you will love him/her forever and mean it in a world which is temporary and so full of change.
Love is not enough to marry someone. Come on let’s be realistic here, love alone can’t feed you, it might teach you to endure hunger but not to satisfy your craving for food. It’s important that you are financially prepared before you get married. They say that if you love someone you are willing to give her/him everything but if you don’t have anything what can you give then? Are you ready to see your love one suffer because you don’t prepare for your future?
Love can wait. Everything is worthwhile when you wait for God’s time. Hubby and I have to wait 12 years. We had to endure betrayal and losing someone we taught is worth of our time and love. We had to live world’s apart in order to realize what we are living for. All the things that happened before we become us are needed in order for us to be prepared for the big event…The day God says “It’s time”
Personal space. Just because you love someone and married him/her doesn't mean you are not allowed to have time for yourself anymore. You are not required to spend every waking hour with those you love. As the Hard To Say I'm Sorry song goes ”Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other. “ Hubby and I have this “me time”. When he or me is out of town, we don’t bother each other unless it’s emergency. We don’t send sms or call each other at all. We let each other enjoy other people’s company. We believe it’s important to have time for yourself in order to have time for others. My best friend once asked me if I didn't think of anything while my husband is away. I told her that “trust can help you not think of anything besides him and how you miss him.”
The child in you. Our relationship is more on teasing, joking and laughing. At the end of the day we’re both so exhausted. We don’t have the energy to argue over trivial things. In our 3 years of marriage, I can still count in my two hands the number of times we fought.
Arguments. If ever we had arguments, we argue thoroughly and be over with it and then we bend. It’s better that way than breaking. We practice not to hold on anger, pain and hurt. His the only person I love that can make me feel guilty for being mad to him. So I easily let go of my anger.
Marrying for the right and wrong reason. Marriage should be a "want to" and not a "have to". I found this list of right and wrong reason to be married. When we announced that we’re getting married, some people think that I’m pregnant. Well I’m not and if I am I will not get married because even if we both are in love with each other, marriage is not the answer. I consider that as a red flag in a relationship and are not valid reason for getting married.